6 Week Post-Op

What a mix of - it's already been 6 weeks! And How has it only been 6 weeks? Gideon's little face is healing up nicely - the scar is barely noticeable and honestly it will just get better with age. We had our follow up last Wednesday with our surgeon and he is so very pleased with how it's healing. I think the only negative is having to keep a nose stent in there for another 6 weeks. It is still so hard to believe we are here - 1 year ago, our lives looked very different. The stress of multiple doctors appointments and the questions surrounding what was going to happen as we approached Gideon's birth weighed heavily on us. Looking back, I knew I was stressed and anxious, but it has really hit me how hard that was. To the fact that I was driving the other day and went past one of the OB's we saw (since our sweet midwives couldn't officially be the ones to deliver Gideon) and my stomach just sank. I felt the stress weigh on my shoulders, the dread fall over my body, and the tension in every muscle. I wil add that the doctors and staff were not bad, but the experience was less than stellar. Every single appointment, by their books there were no changes. There were constant ultrasounds, long conversations, being told over and over how high risk he is. That negative feedback repeatedly being poured into our minds weighs on you over time, no matter how steadfast your faith. Did I know Gideon would be fine? Yes. But this is where Faith and the medical side of life don't intertwine very well. Where the doctors felt I was being negligent with my birth plan, I was having faith and trying to stay low stress. I still think part of my high blood pressure in my pregnancy was directly related to the amount of appointments and visits I was required to go to. One of my friends who I adore very openly said "You don't have to go", and there were a few I canceled or were unable to make and I was so relieved every time I missed one.

I want to walk away from that time in our life so much - block it out of my memory. But you know that is never the case when you are sharing your story with others. I just looked at my calendar to reference, and yes, I had 1-2 appointments a week. So many ultrasounds. So many conversations with doctors. Dark room. Doctors telling us over and over how we may not make it to term or at all. It was a fight to not have our joy stolen every week. I realize how dramatic this sounds, but when you're living in it, even as blessings abound, it is still hard. And that is the dark side that so many don't know about. But I am thankful for the few that walked in the trenches with us last year.

Gideon is here. He is a miracle. He is proof that we have to keep marching on.

Last nights snuggles and nervous system regulation. PS- 2 teeth now!

Helping dad blow out his birthday candles

The onesie that is getting passed around to our miracle babies